Topic 7: Coping with new experiences

The books we have selected for our current topic cover just a few of the life challenges that young children may face: moving from one house to another, loss of a pet or a loved one, or divorce. Some topics are difficult and painful for adults and children alike to talk about, but children rely on adults to help them make sense of the world for them. A book can make approaching such topics somewhat easier, opening up the conversation for questions and exploration.

For ages 0-3 and 3-6

My Best Friend Moved Away by Nancy Carlson

Nancy Carlson's My Best Friend Moved Away tells the story of a girl whose best friend and next-door neighbor moves away. The book captures the course of their friendship through colorful illustrations that tell of all the memories the two girls shared together prior to the move. As the main character remembers her friend, she wonders if she will find a new friend to share similar experiences with. This hopeful story addresses one of the changes that is bound to happen in the course of one’s childhood and that is losing a friend. My Best Friend Moved Away is a great tool to help children learn that even though they may not see their friend after a move, they are able to feel the loss and move forward.

Moving House by Anne Civardi is a charming book written for children (ages 2-8) who will soon be moving from one home to another. Reading this book together gives parents and children an opportunity to talk about the details of the move.  Children can ask questions and begin to imagine what their own move might be like while pondering the busy bright pictures.  Civardi's hiding yellow duck adds fun while indirectly addressing a child's common worry, "Will there still be a place for me?" 

 

 

Two Homes by Claire Masurel offers a simple yet comforting illustration of what it is like for a younger child, Andy, when he lives in two different homes when his parents divorce.  The concreteness of the book – he explains he has two of many things, like toothbrushes and bedrooms - speaks to youngsters about what matters to them in their day to day life, at their emotional level, and gives them a clear picture of what remains the same and what differs when they have two homes. This book is a great tool for parents and can be a gateway to conversations with youngsters about what it will be like when their parents divorce.  

Boomer's Big Day by Constance McGeorge

Boomer's Big Day tells the story of a family's move from the perspective of the family dog. Boomer started his day thinking it would be a typical day, but the humans around him were very busy. Boomer then searches the house to find his treasured ball, but cannot find it anywhere. Telling the story from Boomer's perspective offers a playful way for children to relate to the confusion that can surface during a move. In the end, Boomer finds his ball, along with his bed and bowl, in his new home.

Standing On My Own Two Feet by Tamara Schmitz is a book for young children whose parents are divorced, as well as a tool for parents in assisting their children with their divorce. Schmitz uses simple illustrations to concretely display the differences between households, while illuminating the enduring love that both parents have for their child. Standing on My Own Two Feet helps children with divorced parents recognize that, although their parents may not always get along, their separate lives and arguments are not because of their child. Schmitz’s book also acknowledges the desire that children may have to be with the parent from whom they are away, and promotes the idea of having readily available forms of communication between each parent. Standing on My Own Two Feet shows children the depths of safety, love, and personal strength that they are entitled to share with both parents, as well as the consistent nature of each parent’s love and devotion to their child.

For ages 3-6

Lifetimes: The beautiful way to explain death to children by Bryan Mellonie

There is no simple way to explain death to children, but there are ways you can open the doors of communication and help your children to think about and understand this part of life. Author Bryan Mellonie explains that all living things (people, plants, and animals) have a beginning and an ending to their lifetime. Illustrations capture a natural progression of life and death, and the aging process in between. Lifetimes offers a “basic and concrete” definition of the stages of life and death so that none of these events seem out of the ordinary to the young child.

 

I Don't Want to Talk About It by Jeanie Franz Ransom

When parents decide to divorce it can be a very confusing time for children. They are faced with many changes and can go through a myriad of emotions that are not always easy to express. Children may feel like “roaring like a lion” or “running like a horse” but may simply say, “I don’t want to talk about it!” This book takes a very creative approach to describe the emotions that children will feel as their world is turned upside down.  It also illustrates that at a time of so much uncertainty, children need reassurance that one constant will remain, “you will be loved wherever you are.”

 

I Miss You: A first look at death by Pat Thomas

How does a child feel when someone they love dies? Are they angry, sad, afraid or guilty? This book explains how death is a “natural part of life” and illustrates that it is very common to feel a variety of emotions.  It also details some events that may take place after someone dies, for example a funeral. This book offers hope, to children and parents, that as time passes the feelings of sadness can be replaced with joyful memories of the love that was shared.

 

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst

(This book is appropriate for children in the upper range of this age group and older.) A boy is filled with sadness when his family pet, a cat named Barney, dies. He is helped by thinking of ten good things about Barney to say at the cat’s funeral in the family’s back yard and when he plants seeds with his father that will soon grow above where Barney lies. This book captures a child’s experience with death of a family pet in an honest, yet compassionate and loving way: he questions his best friend’s idea that his cat is in heaven and is supported from his parents to verbalize loss and understand the cycle of life.

Alexander, Who's Not (Do you hear me? I mean it!) Going to Move by Judith Viorst

Alexander does NOT want to move, and he lets it be known! Around him, his family members are packing, and his parents try to explain why they need to move, but nothing convinces Alexander. Moving from one house to another can be a difficult transition that involves saying good-bye and letting go of many things, including the safety and familiarity of the old house and neighborhood. In the midst of a move, this book can help a child understand that resisting the changes are a natural part of the process of letting go.

Parents' literature

What About the Kids? Raising your children before, during, and after divorce by Judith Wallerstein

Divorce alters the life of every family member and each person’s reactions contribute to the ongoing challenge of creating what the authors refer to as a “new kind of family”. This book offers very age-specific and meaningful guidance to parents as they move through the divorce process, beginning with the initial break-up and ending with the suggestions for conversations a parent may have as son/daughter becomes a young adult, exploring his/her own relationships. A wealth of realistic and practical advice!